When You Just Can’t Fix a ‘Fixer’
We can’t stop them from giving advice, but we can be a bit less annoyed by it — science shows us how.
I don’t think anyone enjoys hearing sentences that start with ‘you should’; no one wants to be told how to live their life — especially if their life isn’t going well. Yet those we care about are often guilty of doing this instead of giving us the sympathy we’re looking for. This is annoying even when it is done in a spirit of love.
We can’t ‘fix’ them any more than they can fix us. We also can’t always avoid ‘fixers’ — and often we don’t want to — so what can we do? Reframing is one method to take the sting out of their fixing efforts.
Mind and Matter: The Study
An example of the power of reframing was demonstrated in a Harvard study by Dr. Ellen Langer. In this study, a group of hotel attendants was divided into two groups. The first was told that their work cleaning rooms was good exercise that supported a healthy lifestyle, while the second was not told this. According to the published paper, neither group changed their actual work, but the first group showed greater changes in physical measures associated with working out, such as lower blood pressure and body fat.
The only difference was their mindset. They saw their work as useful and healthy and good, and with…
